Stop Self Sabotaging Me
You may have heard the phrase that ‘the one thing standing in your way to success and happiness is….. you!’ Yes, you!
But what does that really mean, how could you be THE ONE who is guilty of such a personal attack on yourself?
So, what really is that part of you that’s stopping you from achieving your goals, dreams, desires?
What part of you is steering you into the wrong relationship – leaving you in quicksand, you know the one I mean, don’t you? For example, You are on your way to being with the love of your life, the man/woman of your dreams, he/she is amazing they make you feel so good, you feel this is the one to spend your life with.
Then little by little things come undone, and by the time you break out of the ‘Love spell’ you are now hooked, and this person, experience is now your worst nightmare? When you realize he/she isn’t all they said or appeared, they lied, and it is too late. They answered your dream…..
The more you struggle, as in the quicksand metaphor, the deeper you sink. There is no more pain, fighting, struggling, and less love, happiness, and satisfaction. One outcome example is ‘Love scam Victim’, leaving you with regrets, a broken heart, and an empty bank account.
It is easier to clearly re-evaluate past actions or decisions than when they are being made or done; things are clearer or more obvious when they are reflected upon.
You can put the above ‘template’ and use it as a cookie cutter on any area of your life, be it health, money, love, career, spirituality, and still ‘unconsciously,’ have the same result. This is the definition of insanity, so STOP IT!
‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Albert Einstein.
Simply put, it’s your Self-Sabotage patterns, habits, and behaviors taking control and claiming your light and life, yet again.
Unconsciously and automatically keeping you safe and protected in your very limited lifestyle, filled with the self-sabotaging rules and tools to keep you there. Your Self-Made prison within your mind, comes with its own protector controller guards to keep you there. It’s the wounded inner child with its negative beliefs, the negative inner and outer critic bombarding your thoughts and feelings with negative self-talk.
And then deep within your psyche, adding to your prison fortress, is the mother/father’s childhood beliefs and wounding still switched on and creating negative outcomes in your life. The list of self-sabotaging techniques and self-deception is limitless to keep you safe, protected, and ultimately survive, no matter the cost.
So, this is me and my personal side! I am Bernadette Giggins, AKA Bernie, business owner, a wife, 40-year anniversary coming up soon with Laurie who is my rock. I’m a mother to 3 amazing kids, mother-in-law to 2 amazing spouses, and grandmother to 9 spirited grandchildren.
I have had an enormous amount of life experiences with my ‘arch nemesis’ – Self-Sabotage AND best of all, I have survived my 62 years, to now share the stories and teach others of the damage it creates and causes, and also what you can do about it, to Reclaim your Power & Freedom. It is never too late to begin.
Self-sabotage has had held me back in certain areas of my life, its’ created lots of diversions – mostly away from the path I needed to follow, I’ve had many personal losses, disappointments, and felt defeated too many times. Underneath it all, I was fighting against myself, you could call it ‘me, myself, and I’ arguments within my mind, while people on the outside saying and, judging, ‘What the hell is wrong with you, why can’t you follow through, finish what you started? Get it together? Why, can’t you, blah, blah, blah?
“All battles are first won or lost, in the mind: quote by Joan of Arc”
And all this personal experience, albeit it is mostly depressing, it is wisdom and understanding of Self-Sabotaging that I have accumulated and is exactly what allows me the gift and talent to see through my client’s lives and stories, that their egoic mind has been spinning them and keeping them also hostage to the limited living way of life.
For me, self-sabotage is any thought or idea that stops a person from achieving their goals, living a life they love and dream of, wanting something, and doing everything not to get it. Self-sabotage can show up in different ways that are unique to every person.
For instance, one of my many self-sabotage patterns was the need to be perfect, to know more, to get it right BEFORE I commenced anything to do with teaching courses. One of my old childhood beliefs was ‘Not being good enough so the fear of failure, and then the consequences following of being ridiculed and criticised were terrifying.
My egoic mind’s agenda was to do everything to ‘not fail for not being good enough, but it had a twist, a catch 22, I looked for more knowledge, I overstudied, I paid more money to get the best information, and I had it ‘perfect’ many times. But it wasn’t ‘perfect enough’ for the level of perfection which had been inflated in my own egoic mind, and nobody else’s. I ‘eventually’ noticed how my mind would steer me in the wrong direction for the ‘shiny object’ to ‘get it right this time’.
I scrapped so much ‘good information’ and now have a graveyard of courses, workshops and knowledge stockpiled, as it ‘wasn’t good enough’, for ME. Sometimes I would try the workshop once, where clients would have a shift in their mindset BUT for self-sabotaging, it wasn’t enough, so to search for better information. My fear turned into ‘never ever being good enough for Me.
I have realised over my time and that of working with clients over many years, the culprit to our failures, is our own Self-Sabotage and I now believe, it is a silent addiction, one which only the person knows from the inside. It is similar to other addictions, alcohol, gambling, eating, shopping, hoarding, people-pleasing, peacemaker roles, each one takes control of the person’s life, and that person is the only one who can instigate the change from inside (the mind) onto the new path to a clean & clear living ahead.
Whenever you need to do something new and big, your egoic mind tells you that you’re not safe on the other side. And then, your body and mind, literally start creating something that will keep you in that comfortable and sometimes numb, robotic state. So, it sends in the ‘Self-Sabotaging Team’ to do what it knows best, keep you where you don’t want to be, feeling the emotions that you are sick of feeling, again and again.
So, what can you do about it?
It all starts with approaching your self-sabotage (the ‘enemy within’) the right way. Instead of wishing it away, suppressing it, criticising or judging yourself for it, sweeping it under the carpet, fighting a ‘me, myself & I’ trio in your head, you must understand how it came to be.
You had unconsciously learnt about self-sabotage at an early age for it to hold you back in life, once you learn it’s rules, you can break and replace the rules to gain Freedom, Happiness, ‘Inner Peace’, Abundance and Satisfaction for yourself, no matter what age.
Only then can you slowly begin to replace those controlling ‘unconscious’ beliefs, thoughts & emotions with what you ‘consciously choose for YOU’, this is over a period, knowing any ‘quick fix’ never ever lasts. Self-sabotaging comes back with vengeance, from personal experience, for example yo-yo weight loss. Loose the weight and don’t change the negative beliefs, habits or behaviours and you put on more weight than you lost.
I am running 2 x 90-minute webinars, ‘Stop Self Sabotaging Me’, to share with you what, you can do about Reclaiming the Power and Freedom back into your life, to have more happiness and satisfaction with less pain and suffering.
Thursday 6.30 pm 7th April
Register in advance for this webinar: https://zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_2llVE-0rS8-sLY2B8lDelA
Friday 9.30 am, 8th April.
Register in advance for this webinar: https://zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_Wk9or_i-S_yVSMxXZHgTqw
If you feel this article resonates deeply, let’s have a chat, please Book a Discovery call here
Blessings,
Bernie