Self-Love and Self-Care is the answer to all your life’s challenges!
At the end of client sessions, they are asked to include self-care and self-love in their daily activities in order to help their heart to heal and for their life to improve and move forward.
“I just don’t know how to love myself” is the answer most of them say. I know this is true as it was the same for me. When you have been stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing and peace maker role for most of life, (in order to survive from childhood) it is extremely hard to change this habit and pattern the longer you have it. We have made it so much about others and now it is about how to please YOU, our own Self and life, what do you like and not like.
Because of this negative habit and pattern, we had slowly turned off our own intuition and instincts, the pleasing had become an addiction and now we need to learn to love and make ourselves the number one priority again.
But you don’t need to learn something new on how to love yourself. You need to remember how to do it and begin it today. As with everything, no one can take this off you, at some stage you closed it down, switched it off or put it away for safekeeping and forgot about it or forgot to switch it on again. Love, confidence, speaking, visibility etc. So, that means you just need to come back and claim it and start using it for yourself, it is the best medicine for you to take, self-love and self-care.
We all want to feel like we’re good and worthy. We all want to feel seen, heard valued and most times loved by others. We want other people to like us so we can feel good about ourselves. We want to praise and acceptance from others because we don’t have it for ourselves.
I’m telling you, as a recovering people pleaser, you’re looking in the wrong place. You and your heart need you to take care of self-first and then life will heal itself!
Your negative mindset has taken control of you and your life, while the heart and body has been patiently waiting for you to ‘wake up’ to the lies of your mind and to start listening to what the other half of you is asking and begging you for. To love myself and my heart and not wait for anyone else to do it so that you too can live a life that YOU love. Your heart and body are like a loyal dog, waiting patiently and when you pay attention to it, feed it, love it, your dog is unconditionally loving, loyal and is there at any command. Same as your heart and body.
Self-love = surrendering. Surrender to the truth of who you were born to be. ‘To know thyself is to heal thy self’
Listen more to your heart and not the lies your brain spits out all day. How I began loving myself again is by finally realizing I couldn’t trust my own brain. I realized it was mean, critical, untrue and I could not trust it any longer. It had been given the wrong message, through old negative beliefs and definitions I had made about myself a very long time ago, with vows and promises which are so outdated I had once declared and now I can’t remember.
I have realized when I believed the things it said, I felt awful and I had the same negative outcome, ‘I still wasn’t good enough or whatever my recording was saying and I am acting as the robot what to do and how to behave. These old beliefs are like your own jukebox, playing randomly, automatic and without your permission. What is your recording telling you? Is it outdated too?
What fears do you have? Look at your life the results don’t lie. What you are receiving or not receiving in life tells you what the ‘record’ is playing in your head.
Fears alone without an opposite will always come true, the laws of duality, it needs an opposite like yin & yang, night and day. Many of my clients have fears of being lonely, rejected, not being capable, etc. When we uncover the fear, we see it is actually sending the person into a frenzy ‘not to have it come ‘true’ but in the end that is what happens, it becomes true over and over.
For example, a client had a fear of being lonely, her mind was giving her tasks to ‘not be lonely’. Help others, always offer, and lend a hand, always be there for others, always make others the priority, ‘treat others how you want to be treated and loved’. She came to me with such burdens and emotional baggage that when we unpacked it became clear to her, what she had been doing is paying more and more attention to the outside friends, family and career in order ‘not to be lonely’ and she was desperately lonely, depressed, heartbroken and extremely sad. She felt no one cared for her, no one gave back to her, if she didn’t instigate calls or get-togethers, she was left out, forgotten, sitting on the sidelines waiting for anyone. In other words, ‘she was the loneliest she had ever felt in many, many years and could not stop it without seeking my help to uncover and master it. The mind is so powerful, its job is to keep the person wounded or believing the ‘untruth’ at any cost.
To assist her healing, she had to remember and make her own needs and life a priority, a new way of life. Not to contact people until they had made contact. Find what made her heart sing and bring a smile to her face and do that more often and to connect more with animals and nature. Her heart had been forced to love and care outside herself for years and learnt to be grateful for any pittance of interaction or contact, she had been slowly starving herself emotionally over time without realizing what this ‘old record, recording’ was playing in the background of her mind making her behave and act under its spell.
It took a period of time for her to see that she could choose to believe in herself and love herself, exactly as she is and that she felt better with her decisions, many friends and family left, new friends appeared, she found she didn’t like the things that others did and she tried new tastes and experiences with new people. Yes, there were amazing days and some down days as she searched for the essence of herself to the surface once again. As I taught her, be the surfboard and ride the feelings, feel them and don’t suppress them, be true to you and the world will respond in the way you deeply believe and feel about your own self.
Next in line is confidence and freedom, these are the most valuable strengths you need to increase in your life, build them like a muscle and keep them strong. Because of traumatic events, confidence and freedom are the first to be taken over by another person/s. You are forced to give up or give in to another, it can be the first time or over a series of times until you find your place in relationships and life. When you begin the Self-love and Self-care, confidence and freedom become your mantra to say and breathe. What would it be like if I had the confidence and freedom to say ‘No’, ‘I want’ ‘I like’, it gives the body new permission to speak and express this to others with confidence and freedom, the new way of you being you in the world?
We are waiting for you to step up and live your true nature and with purpose, I can’t wait to see you stepping forward in life and living the life that you love and were born to experience.